To Alvin Tan & Vivian Lee of Sumptuous Erotica

With the latest scandal surrounding ex-NUS scholar Alvin Tan and Malaysian Vivian Lee’s blog ‘Sumptuous Erotica’, we are aware that there are many different voices and opinions on the issue. Here at Poached, we like to give you some perspective, so here are 5 of the different voices we have heard over the past few days.

Disclaimer: The contents of this post are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to persons alive or dead is purely coincidental. Any offence is also unintended.

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Dear Alvin,

With the latest scandal that has happened, dad knows that you’re deeply upset and wants to apologize for not being there for you when you needed me. I should have been there when you were a teen, to tell you that watching porn is fine and making your own porn is still not too bad… but publishing it is really not the way to go. I should have told you that before you got so inspired by the porn industry.

The day you told me you wanted to be a porn star, I almost got a heart attack. I blamed myself for your choice of prospective career, for not bringing you to career fairs and showing you all the jobs that you could do – doctor, lawyer, banker, anything really… But not porn, no, why porn, son, why? I know you told me that you see it as an art form, but just because it has a -graphy behind it like photography, lomography, typography doesn’t mean it is art.

I always prided myself on being able to convince you to be a lawyer, especially when you managed to become an NUS law scholar. The day you broke the news to me my face glowed more pink than ever before, and I couldn’t stop smiling to myself for a week. I was so glad my son was going to be a bigshot lawyer, even if I didn’t manage to spare the time to take him to career fairs, I was elated that he had realized the error of his ways and decided to discard the porn dream.

And then this happened. Alvin, dad is growing old and can’t take any more of such shocks. I thought you had left the porn star dreams behind you. What happened, Alvin? Don’t tell me you studied so hard all these years just to end up a porn star? Please give me an explanation.

Distressed and almost-had-a-heart-attack-again,

Daddy Lee

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Dear Vivian,

We knew that boy was bad news. Since the day you brought him home, we never liked him. We didn’t like the tone he used when he called us ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’. There was this drawl in his voice that made him sound like a pervert. What do you see in him? He’s not very good looking, not very tall, and has awful hair. Okay so you told us he is an NUS law scholar or something like that. Sure, sounds impressive and smart, but he still looked like a sleaze.

Don’t think we don’t know what you were up to in your room. The day he came over with a tripod and large camera and you told us you were taking photos for a project, and then refused to show us the photos after that? Don’t think we don’t know what that was all about. There were animal noises coming from your room, certainly that wasn’t part of the project was it? (On a far-fetched note, we sincerely hope you’re not into bestiality; published porn is bad enough)

We found your um, Tumblr, two weeks ago and got a huge shock. No parent ever wants to see their grown-up child naked, much less naked and with a naked man whom they dislike. And then those videos! Daddy refused to let mummy click on them because the screenshot looked so terrible. Mummy’s colleagues asked her about her ‘naked daughter’ yesterday too and she had nowhere to hide her face. We are very disappointed in you, Vivian.

From now on, you are not allowed to see that man and we don’t want to see him near our house ever again. Please put on some clothes and stop taking your clothes off. We will buy you nicer clothes if you so need or desire if that stops you from taking them off. You are also officially grounded for a year and we are removing the door of your room. You are not to come into contact with any males for the entire duration and should we find you experimenting with females you will get into deep trouble.

Extremely pissed off and still in shock,

Mum & Dad

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Dear Alvin and Vivian,

You two are marketing geniuses! How much did you pay the papers to cover your story? Woah man I know they always told me in school that ‘no publicity is bad publicity’ but only with you two and your stunt did I finally see the light! You guys managed to pull it off so well I think you’re almost full-fledged porn stars now. And what’s more, you kept your names and even linked the tumblr to your facebook account. That, wow, was really an ingenious move. The cunning you two employed to create this faux sense of couple-next-door definitely made audiences more curious about your photos and videos.

Thanks for the enlightenment guys! Keep making great porn and marketing it well!

Awestruck and inspired,

Marketing student

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Dear Alvin & Vivian,

I feel extremely sorry for both of you now that this saga has blown up. I think everyone deserves to chase their dreams. Appreciation of pornography as an art form is underrated and if you two feel it is art and that you are making art, I feel that it is unfair for the public to judge you as twisted perverts. The human body is a wonderful masterpiece of nature and what better way to showcase it than the way the both of you did? Don’t let these people get to you. Follow your dreams and stay true to your hearts, for as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, ‘the future lies with those who believe in the beauty of their dreams’.

Respectfully,

Lover of the human body as an art form

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Dear Vivian & Alvin of Sumptuous Erotica,

I am very proud of the both of you. I am very glad that some people have finally decided to come out and make a statement against censorship in Singapore and across the Causeway. Your method of doing so may be unconventional but it is time to tell the powers that be that we are no longer going to let them censor our media. They cannot shut our voices for much longer, the uprising is here. It is time for a revolution and revolutions need visionaries like the both of you. Thank you for inspiring the people to speak up and stand up for themselves. Your actions have sent a clear message about censorship and the people have you to thank for that. Please keep up the good work, activists like the both of you really mean that the future of our country is politically in good hands.

Power to the people!

The voice of the people

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Image credit: Sumptuous Erotica by Vivan & Alvin; censored by yours truly ;)

Perspective Writer. Shuli likes uncool things like math and physics and has an unhealthy obsession with eyewear. She peers into mouths for a living and her current mission in life is to convince herself that love indeed does make the world go round.

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