If you haven’t heard yet, Orange Is The New Black (OITNB) is the new Netflix series from Weeds creator Jenji Kohan, based on a memoir by Piper Kerman about a white girl (Taylor Schilling) who goes to prison because of her lesbian-drug-smuggling past and boy, the drama. She meets her former lesbian lover (Laura Prepon), receives a bloody tampon sandwich, and steals a screwdriver. And that’s only the beginning.
As if you weren’t wasting enough of your day on TV shows, here are five reasons you should drop everything and binge watch all 13 episodes of OITNB right now.
The Impressive Diversity of Female Characters
OITNB gives you a generous spectrum of race, sexuality, and body shapes when it comes to the domination of ladies, and they are all sincerely explored with individual stories, personalities, and relationships. We have a black transgender ex-firefighter turned sassy diva who owns a prison salon; a borderline psychotic homophobic Jesus freak who goes around preaching her holy touch; a young thief who records everything she steals because she believes in “future payment”; a blunt, vibrant, crazy-haired lesbian and former junkie; and a Russian prison chef who was from the mob but acts as a motherly figure to younger inmates.
We aren’t even halfway through yet!
A Plot with Enough Twists to Leave You Sick
The storyline is largely based on the book, but the gripping plot twists will catch you each time. The inmates may have committed crimes, but they are all looking to survive – so be ready for extreme revenge strategies, physical bashing, mental outbursts, an attempted stake murder, and aching sorrow.
It’s Real, Controversial, and Absolutely Hilarious
We are not bluffing, it is really all the above. The gritty and pathetic conditions of American prisons are highlighted in each episode, with the kitchen being downright nasty. There are tons of injustices occurring behind bars, including the mistreatment of prisoners, poor living conditions and lack of on-site support and guidance, with nothing being done.
On the bright side, we have Chapman and Vause’s “broken glass” relationship to move things along. We also have rude stalkers who might pee on your floor if you reject her. Soak in the harsh sets, shameless cruelty, witty one-liners with a nice topping of humour and occasionally, romance.
The Beautiful Laura Prepon
Prepon has come a long way since her role in That 70s Show. She plays the rebellious Alex Vause, former international drug cartel member and ex-girlfriend of Chapman, and she is everything we’d want in a lesbian relationship. Especially when we discover that she isn’t all that tough; she has an inner vulnerability caused by her family. Killer eyebrows, sleek dark hair, black-framed glasses, and awesome dance moves; excuse us while we take turns swooning.
It’s Here To Stay
The second season of OITNB is confirmed to hit Netflix sometime in 2014, and the showrunners have promised us stories beyond the boundaries of the characters’ sentences and/or the book. If it was up to us, we wouldn’t let anyone’s sentence end. Throw the keys away and upgrade the security. Keep everyone in prison and give us more OITNB!
Charming, smart, and downright hilarious, there’s little reason not to go ahead and watch an episode of OITNB. Or two. Make it five. Or seven. Just marathon all 13 episodes. It’s not a crime.